


Midnight dysphoria

by PrimeBubbleLad



Category: HLVRAI-Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Comfort, Cuddles, Dysphoria, M/M, Praise, Trans Character, Trans Gordon, Trans character written by trans author, nb benrey, they/them benrey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:00:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26741017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrimeBubbleLad/pseuds/PrimeBubbleLad
Summary: Gordon's intrusive thoughts cause him to have a small breakdown, Benrey wants to help their precious Feetman feel betterRated for swearing
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 1
Kudos: 124





	Midnight dysphoria

**Author's Note:**

> Right  
> I fucken suck at summaries lol, enjoy I hope  
> I made this really late at night when I was suffering a dysphoric episode so sorry if it seems rushed or somethin'

Benrey’s ear twitched a little as they were interrupted from their sleep by the feeling of the bed shifting, they tried to ignore it until it dawned on them the warmth of their lover was missing. Benrey suddenly felt cold despite still being in a warm bed, wasn’t Gordon supposed to be spooning them? Or at least he should have his face buried in Benrey’s chest. Or SOMETHING.

Not only was the absence of feeling the other against them but they then heard a… small sob? A sob? Crying? The only one here is their beloved. So, the one crying was…

“Wha…? Gordie…?” Benrey tiredly turned themselves over to face the other end of the bed, there they could see the figure of Gordon. His back was to them, slightly curled and jolting a little with each small sob. Gordon however didn’t acknowledge to Benrey’s voice, they were concerned to what was bothering their dear Feetman.

“Yo? What’s gotten you uh, upset bro?” Benrey said more clearly. Gordon sniffled and tensed up.

“O-oh… Benrey, sorry I didn’t mean to wake you…” Gordon replied, his voice low and clearly distressed. What were they supposed to do? Benrey felt their chest ache not knowing what was wrong, did Gordon hurt himself? They were sure the two of them went to bed happy, maybe something about work? Gordon broke into their train of thought when he spoke again.

“Y-you can’t go back to sleep…”

What? How the fuck could Benrey possibly go to sleep when their dear Gordon is upset?

“What’s uh, what’s gotten to you sniffie bro? Need uh, big Benny boi to um, listen to the shitty things goin’ on?” Benrey said as they lifted their elbow up to hold their head up to look at Gordon better, Benrey used their other hand to run their fingers through Gordon’s long hair which was slightly tangled. Benrey started combing his hair with their clawed fingers, careful to not cut his scalp, Gordon sighed and covered his face.

“It… it’s dumb…” Gordon sniffed. Benrey leaned down and softly kissed Gordon’s neck, nuzzling tenderly against his cheek.

“Nothin’ is too dumb, but uh, we can cuddle the sad away? Eh? Big hug?” Gordon couldn’t help but chuckle a little and moved to face Benrey on the bed, their hand still running through their hair but soon moved down to palm his cheek, Gordon’s eyes were red with tears and his lips quivering. Benrey’s glowing eyes lit up his face so they could see Gordon’s upset eyes.

“Please…? Let Benny take care of you?” Benrey asked, Gordon sighed and nodded. Benrey rested on their back and shapeshifted to grew two feet taller than Gordon, he was pulled under Benrey’s arm and Gordon turned to his side, he curled his legs up and closed them tightly while burying his face into Benrey’s large chest. Benrey held Gordon firmly and securely, they reach over and gently wipe away Gordon’s tears.

“Benrey…” Gordon breathed as Benrey gently touched and held him, keeping him safe and loved.

“I… I’m sorry for… being ridiculous…” Gordon said, he curled a little and wrapped his arms around Benrey.

“Nothin is too ridiculous bro, you’re always big poggers, number one Feetman.” Benrey reassured. “But it’d uh, it’d help to know what’s happenin’. So, I can help ya, like goin’ into a game without a tutorial.” Benrey kissed the top of Gordon’s head, Gordon was smiling through his tears.

“I’m um… just, feeling… like I’m not manly enough… I know I know it’s dumb but…” Gordon’s smile faded and hugged Benrey tighter, feeling the pain rise. Benrey stayed quiet, showing how serious they were being to listening to Gordon.

“The whole… dysphoria thing… you know man…” Gordon mumbled quietly.

“Oh uh, the uh, shitty born wrong feelin’?” Benrey asked, being a shapeshifting alien, they struggled to understand how that would feel, being born one way but your supposed to be another.

“Yeah… yeah that one…” Gordon replied, his mind focused on the feeling as desperately as he tried to ignore it, the feeling of wrong, of not enough, of being incorrect.

“Do you uh… wanna… wanna talk about it? What’s not enough? You can tell me bro, I can uh, try and fight it with ya?” Benrey said, really trying to be supportive.

“Um… I guess… sometimes I um, just feel like, I’ll always be less of a man because of… this… people have memories of me being a girl… my childhood doesn’t feel like mine because it… it was shown as that of a girl’s…” Gordon felt the tears returning. Benrey saw this and gently stroked down Gordon’s back and circled their fingers soothingly on his skin.

“And I… I feel like I can never please someone properly… the way a real man can… because I was given the fucking wrong genitals…!” He let out a sob and clung to Benrey’s chest, the soft warm flesh now dampening under his tears, Benrey wrapped the sobbing man in their arms, being larger they could enclose Gordon with their body. It was his safe space, being wrapped around Benrey, their body becoming his world and only he and they existed.

“I’ll never experience what biological males do… I h-hate looking there sometimes and seeing… that… that…” Benrey gently hushed Gordon with a kiss, Gordon’s tears ran down his cheek and tried to stop his sobs so he could kiss back, Benrey pulled away and cupped his face.

“I uh, I dunno the uh, exact words to say… I uh, not always big know on these things… B-but I do know that you’re the uh, most manly man ever.” Benrey ran their fingers along Gordon’s beard.

“You uh, lead the w-whole team to uh… um… through whole uh…” Benrey trailed off and went quiet, Gordon sniffed and gently tapped Benrey’s cheek. Benrey shook their head after a minute and blushed.

“S-sorry bro…” Benrey blushed. “That was, uncool timing…”

“I, I get what you meant… I guess the whole, getting everyone through was pretty cool…” Gordon said, wiping his nose. Benrey then moves Gordon to his back, he looked up at Benrey questionably but then looked down at the big hand palming his chest, Benrey’s finger tracing along his top surgery scars.

“You uh, you fought for being a man, those uh, other guys, were given the easy way bro. They didn’t have to work for it you earned it man, poggers self-made manliness, Sims 4 special edition model.” Benrey said, Gordon’s sobs were mixed with a chuckle, Benrey had such a unique way of making Gordon feel special, no one was like them, this form of praise was special for him. Benrey fully loving him for the man he is.

“And uh, you um, can’t magically change like um I can, I don’t earn my looks, most of it a-anyway, you uh, had to make yourself who you want to me, very big brave, big brave Gordon.” Benrey kissed Gordon’s cheek and ran their hand up and down Gordon’s chest and stomach.

“But…” Gordon started but Benrey pressed their finger to his lips.

“Shhh, you’re a very uh, manly man, ya know why bro?”

“Um…”

“Because you know you are.” Benrey tapped his head then chest over his heart, Gordon placed his hand on top of theirs and looked up at Benrey.

“You uh, know you are a man, you’re a uh, very great man. No matter you uh, what you started out like, what you first looked like. Hell, bro I used to be seen as a monster, the bad guy.” Benrey rambled on, Gordon placed soft kisses against Benrey’s finger which was still keeping him shushed.

“You uh, have very good looks, want to, give that cute face all the kisses.” Benrey gave Gordon a big sloppy kiss on the cheek, Gordon chuckled and weakly shoved them.

“Benreeeyyy…” Gordon whined but Benrey continued kissing all over Gordon’s face, leaving wet kiss marks. Benrey kissed down Gordon’s neck to his chest, leaving soft loving smooches across his scars. Gordon’s heart swelled at Benrey’s attention, being so adored, so loved.

“Does anyone uh, said you are not enough?” Benrey asked as they moved back up, touching their noses together while their arms securely held him.

“Oh um… n-none of you guys, but… like my parents and family were… not very nice to me about it, and some of the workers were…” Gordon sighed. “I know its not around anymore, but the memories are still there…”

“Ya know, if anyone’s like that to you again I can just…” Benrey unhinges their jaw and makes rows and rows of sharp teeth then clamps down. “M’bite em.”

“Heh… sure Benrey.” Gordon watched Benrey’s face turn back to normal and smiled.

“Benrey…?”

“Hm? Yeah bro?”

“Can you… tell me how much you love me…?” Gordon said quietly, Benrey smiled wide.

“I uh, love you more then uh, the length of all the video games combined, you’re the uh, deluxe edition. You’re my uh, player 2, we got custom controllers. I have dozens of eyes and they all wanna look at Gordon Feetman.” Gordon chuckled and kissed Benrey’s lips.

“Thanks…” Gordon yawned. “We should, go back to sleep…” Gordon said.

“Can you… hold me this time…?” Gordon asked, Benrey stayed the size they grew to and held him closer, pulling the covers up to their necks. Gordon buried his face into Benrey’s chest, their chest pounding against his ear. He got lost in the feeling of Benrey’s body encasing him in love, their heartbeat drowning his thoughts as well as Benrey’s words.

“I love you…” Gordon said as he closed his eyes, he heard Benrey’s voice saying they loved him too before they drifted to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope it was alright  
> If you want to see some art my tumblr is here https://springtrapprime1983.tumblr.com/


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